Author: Christina Bowser

Understanding how each DISC style likes to give and receive information helps us communicate more effectively.

By laying the filter of Transactional Analysis over DISC we can identify potential communication conflicts and better manage our expectations for an interaction with a friend, partner, colleague or employee.

The theory of transactional analysis, first put forward by Professor Eric Byrne, states that all humans have three tape recorders or “ego states” instead us – the parent, the adult and the child. The parent and child tape recorders are split into two and three sub-ego states respectively. The parent has a “critical” side and a “nurturing” side and the child has an “adapted” (compliant) side a “natural” (playful/fearful) side and a “Little Professor/rebellious” (mischievous/angry) side. The adult ego state is a computer that takes in and sorts information.

Because of their preference for achievement, and difficulty understanding those that can’t or won’t achieve like they do, Ds tend to communicate from their Critical Parent ego state, which sounds like, “you should do this” or “I can’t believe you didn’t do <blank>.” As D-dominant individuals also prefer to communicate through high-level facts (e.g. “revenue was up 14% last quarter), they will also communicate from their Adult ego state.

With an Is preference to communicate in a fun, upbeat and happy way they tend to communicate from their Natural Child ego state, which sounds like “this will be SO much fun” or “hey guys, I’ve got a GREAT idea for a team building event.” When an I-dominant feels like they aren’t getting their communication needs met they will switch into Little Professor to get their needs met by playing games (e.g. “well, I’d love to help you with that project, but I’ve got so much to do.”

As they tend to be the most nurturing communicators of the four DISC styles, S-dominants’s default ego state is the Nurturing Parent. Because Ss fear disharmony in their group they will fall into the Adapted (compliant) Child ego state if they sense that going along with the crowd will keep their group together.

The most computer like communicators, the Cs communicate from the most computer like ego state, the Adult. C-dominants will switch into Critical Parent communication when they want to prove how smart they are or when they get frustrated with an individual who “doesn’t get it.”

From the figure above you can see that each DISC style’s preferred ego state for communication can create complementary communication and result in communication conflict.

• Ds communicating with Cs – potentially complimentary as their preferred ego states (Adult and Critical Parent) are reversed; however, conflict will arise when the C-dominant who is communicating from their Adult attempts to communicate more detail than the D-dominant who is communication from their Critical Parent than the D-dominant wants to hear.
• Ds communicating with Is – potentially complimentary as you have a Parent (the D-dominant) communicating to a Child (I-dominant), especially if the Critical Parent “D” accesses the fear side of the Natural Child “I” (e.g. “do it or you’re fired.”).Plenty of room for conflict as the I-dominant’s Little Professor plays games with the D-dominant’s Critical Parent (e.g. “let ‘em try to fire me. They’ll find out how valuable I really am.”)
• Is communicating with Ss – potentially complimentary with a Parent (S-dominant) communicating to a Child (I-dominant) because the Nurturing Parent “S” will let the Natural Child “I” get away with more than a C- or D-dominant would. Conflicts between Is and Ss will happen when the I-dominant’s Little Professor attempts to get the S-dominant’s Adapted Child involved in a mischievous game, which triggers the S-dominant’s Parent to shut down the game and hurt the I-dominant’s feelings
• Ss communicating with Cs – potentially complimentary as the S’s Nurturing Parent will listen to the C’s Adult and the S’s Adapted Child will respond to the C’s Adult or Critical Parent. Conflict would arise when the C-dominant’s Critical Parent attempts to influence the S-dominant’s Adapted Child, which triggers the S’s Parent to Step in.
• Ds communicating with Ss – while both have a Parent as their dominant ego state, because the D’s is Critical and the S’s is Nurturing, Ds will tend to get frustrated with Ss who they perceive as being “coddling.” If a D-dominant’s Critical Parent can trigger an S-dominant’s Adapted Child conflict may be replaced with compliance for a little while before the S’s Parent attempts to assert themselves.
• Is communicating with Cs – little room for complimentary communication as the C’s Adult and I’s Natural Child are focused on different triggers (data and emotions respectively). Lots of room for conflict as the C-dominant’s Critical Parent will lash out at the I-dominant’s Natural Child, which will send the “I” into their Little Professor where they will seek to “get” the Critical Parent who hurt them.

Don’t take the DISC/TA tie-in as an absolute. An individual’s preferred ego state has a lot to do with their first six years of life when their Parent and Child tapes are running. For example, I am D-dominant, but my preferred ego state is Nurturing Parent because I had an incredibly nurturing mother.

Also don’t use this information to analyze the person with which you’re speaking while in the middle of your conversation. We have a choice to either “react” or “respond” to a communication from another person. If you are reacting you’re likely communicating from your Critical Parent or Child ego state. If you are responding you typically communicate from your Adult or Nurturing Parent.

Understanding your preferred ego states will help you in responding instead of reacting.

Adjusting behavior to deliver outstanding customer service

Recently I was talking with a good friend of mine. I shared my experience at a local car dealership and raved about the excellent service I had received. Everything was exceptional.

“From the first contact with Mike, the service advisor, to make an appointment to picking up my serviced car I felt the experience exceeded my expectations. I even took time to complete the client satisfaction survey as soon as it arrived in my email inbox. I almost never complete surveys, but this time it was fun to do.”

“Did you say his name was Mike?” my friend asked.

“Yes”, I replied.

“At the dealer located just off the exit 75?”, my friend continued with puzzled look on his face.

“Yes, the same dealership you use.”

“I cannot stand that guy! All I want to do is to get my car fixed but he insists on emailing and calling me with the updates. Who needs that?!”

My friend reminded me of a very important point. If we want to achieve successful results with others, we must always be conscious of how to adjust our behavior to meet the unique preferences of the other persons.

This is critical in providing excellent customer service. While it is very important to have clear service standards, such as answering phone calls within three rings, greeting customers as they enter the store, and answering emails within 24 hours, they alone are not enough if the goal is to deliver exceptional customer service.

Instead of repeating the same customer service behaviors over and over with customers who have their unique characteristics and preferences, every employee must learn how to adjust their customer service style from one customer to the next. If we do not do this, some customers are left disappointed even when the customer service standards have been being met. This is the reason my friend was not happy with the same attentive service he received from Mike.

Expecting employees to adjust their customer service style with every single customer can at a first glance seem like an unreasonable expectation. However, when the employees have the right tools, it is not. When they learn a simple, four-step process, it becomes second nature for them for more successful interactions with customers – and everyone else.

Step 1: Understand that customers are different and have different preferences for HOW they want to be treated

Customers can be divided into four main styles, D, I, S and C. Learning and understanding these four styles is easy and fun. When employees become familiar with the different styles, they also learn that the customers even have different views on HOW excellent customer service should be delivered. For example, my friend, a D-style, wants minimal interaction. “Just take care of it!” he demands. Another client defines excellent customer service in terms of amount of attention to details.   Understanding these important differences is vital in providing personalized and exceptional service. 

Step 2: Develop confident self-awareness

Everyone interacting with customers needs to understand HOW they naturally tend to communicate, interact and take care of them. By creating a very clear understanding of their natural, and most comfortable, customer service styles, employees discover they tend service all of their customers in a similar way. This makes a lot of sense because this also happens to be the way they want to receive customer service. We typicall treat others the way we want to be treated.

Step 3: Learn to identify customers’ styles

With some practice, this becomes second nature for employees. They will automatically start paying attention to things such as eye contact, body language, what the customers say, the type of questions they ask, etc.

Step 4: Modify customer service style based on the other customer’s style

This is the most important step. Once employees have identified customer’s style and are aware of how they naturally tend to service customers, they will be able to make conscious decisions about HOW to adjust their styles. Instead of being on “autopilot”, employees make slight adjustments to how they provide service to the customers.

The end result of this process is that every customer will be provided with service that is adjusted to his/her preferences. How is that for personalized service?

Lately almost everyone I talk to tells me they are busier now than ever before.

The changes in the world economy are forcing everyone to find ways to be more productive and efficient. The improved communication technology is making almost everyone instantly and constantly accessible. The line between work and personal time is very blurred and usually we are also to blame. We are addicted to our mobile devices incessantly checking emails and messages never taking a break from the demands of work. Pressure and stress are obvious outcomes and we all experience them at various degrees every day.

Sometimes the pressure comes and goes very quickly. It may be triggered by small events like someone simply cutting us off in traffic. Other times stress is a more constant companion. Perhaps, your work is always fast-paced and the aggressive deadlines are constantly present. In either case, our natural style – our hard-wired behavioral style – plays a significant role in how we react and respond to it. Our style also has an important impact on what types of situations tend to trigger us to experience pressure and feeling of stress. In other words, what is a stressful situation for one style can be very easy for another style to handle.

For example, losing the ability to make independent decisions can cause stress for a decisive “D-style” while asking a more careful “S-style” to make a quick, independent decision can create a pressure situation. The situation can be the same; the reaction is very different depending on the person’s style.

Think about a recent situation when you were feeling stressed and overwhelmed.

What were your reactions to what was taking place in your environment? The chances are extremely high you reverted to your natural behavioral style and began to exhibit those behaviors more. If you are a competitive “D-style”, you became even more impatient and direct. If you happen to be an outgoing “I-style”, you started to talk more and seek more attention from others. In the case you are a steady “S-style”, you withdrew instead and began to rather stubbornly resist what was happening around you. Finally, if you are an analytical “C-style”, you started to question everything and analyze the reasons, causes and consequences of the situation.

Actually, reverting to our natural behavioral style makes a lot of sense. It is the behavioral “territory” or “turf” we master. We are at our strongest on that turf and feel the most comfortable and secure when we stand on that ground. There is nothing wrong with facing the challenging situations from our positions of strength.   However, what usually also happens when we are under pressure is that we lose some of our ability to modify our behaviors. And, as the pressure increases, we also tend to begin to use and exhibit the negative aspects of our natural behavioral style.

For example, in practice if you are a D-style, instead of being assertive, you may become overly aggressive and blunt. However, in stressful situations it becomes even more serious and pronounced because our ability to modify behaviors is compromised. This in turn often escalates tensions with others and the situation gets even worse and more stressful. It is a downward spiral and we all get caught in it from time to time.

In movies the heroes face incredibly dangerous situations with calm and ease. Bullets are flying everywhere and explosions light up the silver screen. Yet, the hero stays calm and collected and even cracks witty one-liners. He remains the same person throughout the movie. He does not overreact or “lose it”. Usually the most significant reaction the audience will see is when he takes care of the last worst villain.   Even then, he is in control.

Being self-aware is fundamental in being in control of our reactions to our environment.

When you “lose it”, you lose control of your behaviors. When you are aware of what types of situations and factors cause you stress, how you respond to stress, and how you can alleviate it, you are much better equipped to productively deal with stress and pressure. When you are aware of what is happening to you, you can be more focused on your behaviors, and therefore, better at maintaining your ability to modify them. The end result is that you handle the stressful situation well, stay on course to achieve your goals and do not cause damage to relationships with others.

In theory this is a very simple process. First, become aware of what types of situations tend to cause you stress so you can anticipate and be prepared for them. Second, be aware of your typical and natural reactions to stress so you can consciously control and modify your behavior. Finally, learn what factors tend to alleviate your stress to help you cope and recover faster.

In reality, this is much harder to do. Modifying our behaviors takes effort and energy; it takes even more energy when we feel the pressure. However, once you become cognizant of what is transpiring under the demanding circumstances, it gets easier. You will realize your natural reaction is often making the situation worse and it makes a lot more sense to change how you react. In fact, it almost always is the only thing you can change. You will achieve a better outcome, you feel better and others around you will feel better. Everyone wins.

All this being said, I know sometimes we all want to throw a temper tantrum. Go ahead, throw one from time to time. But now you will know it is your decision to do so and you are the one who will pay the price. I predict you will do it less often.

A recurring source of frustration in the leaders with which I work is changing the behavior of their team members.

One of the reasons behavior change isn’t communicated effectively is leaders fail to consider the focus of each team member.

Ds and Is tend to be future focused. That is they are looking up at the top of the mountain, not the path in front of them.

Ss and Cs tend to be present focused. That is they are looking down at the ground where their next step will take them, not their ultimate destination.

For a leader to effectively communicate why a team member must change their behavior they must help that team member understand how their focus affects their behavior.

For a D- or I-dominant employee, help them understand how their present behavior will prevent them from reaching their future focus (e.g. focusing on the mountain top is great, but how are you going to cross this river first). In a sales context this would be a future focus on doubling income going unachieved by a present behavior of not doing enough prospecting.

For a S- or C-dominant employee, help them understand how their present focus will affect their future behavior (e.g. focusing on your next step is great, but if you don’t look up at the mountain top occasionally you’ll likely end up way off course). In selling to S- and C-dominant prospects this would mean helping them understand that their present course of action (constant repair of aging equipment instead of replacement) will affect the future behavior of their business (no being able to fulfill orders on time because equipment is continually down for repair).

As with all things DISC there is no good or bad there is only easier (burns less mental calories) or more difficult (burns more mental calories).

For Ds and Is looking to the future burns less mental calories, but planning the steps to get to their future burns a lot. For Ss and Cs planning in the present doesn’t take their mental calorie reserves, but casting their eyes ahead to the future drains them quickly.

Professional leaders will leverage the focus of each team member to achieve organizational goals faster.

Hamish Knox is the author of Accountability The Sandler Way. 

A Ghost Story

When two people meet for the first time, we ask, “How are you?” Do we really want to know?

It’s not that we are un-empathetic to the plight of others. But when we meet someone we are simply trying to build a working communication structure.  We are hard wired to do so and practice this with varying degrees of success regularly.   Although some people find meeting new people intimidating, we know that if we are just polite and go by this script, all will be well.

There is reason to believe this.  We are all gifted with an area of the brain called the Mirror Neuron System. This structure can be found in four separate regions of the brain (UCLA Research 2005).  It functions by allowing us to recognize, empathize and adjust our behavior. We subconsciously open ourselves to relationships with the behavior of other people.  We determine how we will communicate with methods as simple as determining a common language and as complex as reading emotions and motivations.

So in not going beyond “how are you”, it’s possible, even probable, that during this brief exchange, we may be seeing someone who isn’t there at all.

Are you real?

As in any unconscious behavior, we are not in full conscious control.  We make judgments about how people dress, what their accent implies, their rate of speech, facial expressions and what opinions or observations they are quick to reveal.  We are constantly processing our comfort with them.  When we fail to establish an easy communication structure with someone, it makes us uncomfortable.  So we blame them.  After all, we are exactly the kind of person we like to meet.  Why can’t they see that?

Those of us familiar with Extended DISC Profiling do far better in establishing and maintaining interpersonal relationships since we are using a reliable system based on behavior.  Some call this personality profiling, but what is a personality?  Arguably, it is a predictable set of responses to stimuli.  In other words, it is not who we are but how we behave.  As we grow in familiarity with people, how we behave becomes predictable.  When we are having a bad day and not behaving in familiar ways, people tell us we are not acting like ourselves.  We are not being real.

Or is it me?

We see people through the lenses of our own style.  When we meet someone who is like us, we are comfortable.  Sometimes to the point where we think we have known them all of our lives.  When we meet people who are different than ourselves, we have to use our energy to be comfortable with them.  We have to consciously do the job of the Mirror Neuron System. We don’t just try to walk in their shoes, we try their shoes on.  We also observe and judge how they try us on.  If it goes well, we assign them trust whether they deserve it or not.  We see only what we want to see and disregard the rest.

True self-awareness is not just in knowing how we behave but recognizing that there are things we don’t see.  When we have an uncomfortable communication with some one who behaves differently than us we leap to judgment.  We may see them as flippant, demanding, wishy-washy, boring or any of an infinite number of things that are simply constructs of our own style.  We see a ghost who is not there.

And so does the ghost.  We are not just reading others, but being read, we are not the only ones making judgments, but being judged.  And try as we might, the Mirror Neuron System of both parties makes it impossible to get away with it.

Beyond Profiling

Many people think Extended DISC Profiling is all about how people appear to each other based on behavior.  It goes beyond that.  Extended DISC Profiling is a powerful interpersonal and business tool.  It gives us a framework to predict how others will behave and how to adjust our styles to make them comfortable.  It helps us to see what is real and what is imagined.

We end where we begin.  How are you?  Are you real or a ghost?

Let me know.

Ask 100 salespeople, and the odds are good that at least 80 of them will insist that they “know all about” the DISC behavior assessment tool.

D-style people are decisive, tough, and impatient. I-style people are sociable, talkative, and open. S-style people are calm, steady, and laid back. C-style people are precise, exact, and analytical. What else is there? Actually, quite a lot. Having that kind of familiarity with the four behavioral styles is a great start … but only a start. There are four steps that sales professionals (and others) need to complete in order to get the most from DISC. They are:

Understand what the DISC model is all about.

In reality, far fewer sales professionals have mastered this step than is commonly believed. Here’s why. To complete the first step, we should not only be able to describe each DISC style, but also be clear, deep down, that people with styles that differ from ours are just different – not better or worse. Thus, a high D whose sales manager is a high C has not yet fulfilled Step 1 if she sees her boss’s request for lots of information before making a decision as “wrong.”

Develop a confident self-awareness.

The DISC assessment tells you things you may already be aware of about your own behaviors, as well as some things that may make you stop and say, “Hmm. I don’t know if that’s really true about me.” Usually, when you cross-check with others who live and work with you, you find that it is true! Developing this kind of self-knowledge is particularly important for salespeople. For an I-style salesperson, the fact that he enjoys talking can be a strength … but it can also be a weakness that distances him from prospects if he’s not careful.

Learn to identify the styles of others.

Most salespeople who “know all about” DISC (from a cursory Internet search) haven’t yet mastered the skill of accurately identifying a prospect’s DISC style on the first meeting. This takes time and practice. If we haven’t put in that time and practice, we may habitually see certain behavior styles as “wrong” or otherwise unacceptable, and we may have trouble bringing the appropriate “nurturing” approach to the early discussions.

Make conscious modifications when communicating and interacting with others.

When we’re in potentially stressful situations (like a sales call), it can be more difficult for us to modify our own behavior styles, especially if we haven’t yet developed a confident self-awareness. But we can create an awareness that says, “This is my natural tendency when it comes to communicating … and this is how I plan to alter those tendencies when I deal with people with certain specific behavioral styles.”

Markku Kauppinen is the President and CEO of Extended DISC North America, Inc. His focus and passion are to help executives to make better decisions about their employees, teams and organization.

Excerpted from The Sandler Advisor Newsletter, Winter 2015 Issue.  ©2014 Sandler Systems, Inc.  All rights reserved.

The main purpose for using Extended DISC^® assessments is to develop awareness and clear understanding of HOW to modify one’s behavior.

Instead of repeating the same routine behaviors (i.e. how we communicate, motivate, influence others) with “hit-or-miss” results, we should aim to make conscious decisions about how to adjust our actions.  We do this by learning and incorporating the practical 4-step approach until it becomes second nature:

1.         Understand the DISC-model and styles

2.         Create confident self-awareness

3.         Learn how to identify others’ styles

4.         Modify our behavior

In understanding the DISC-styles, we gain awareness of how people are different – not better or worse – from one another.  Familiarity with how people are “wired” differently gives a clearer understanding in their behavior and intentions and decreases misguided judgments.

Our own Extended DISC^® assessment provides the information to build a more confident self-awareness.

By “confident” I refer to taking an honest look at ourselves and making peace with our strengths and developmental areas.  Rather than focusing on our role-behavioral style (i.e. how we think we need to be), Extended DIS^® describes our natural, “hard-wired” behavioral style that remains quite stable during our adulthood.   It is intended to provide information that causes us to stop and think: “Is this really true about me?  Is it possible others could perceive me this way?”  These moments are our very best opportunities for development and growth.

Next, we need to learn to identify the styles of others.  Over time and with practice this becomes easier and easier.  In fact, soon it will be hard not to try identify others’ styles by using the OAR-model:

O – Observe

A – Assess

R – Recognize

The last step is the most important one.  This is when we make conscious decisions about how to modify our behavior and put the first three steps into action.  Rather than let our autopilot take over our behavior, we need to take the controls and steer towards more successful interactions with others.

When we make these behavioral adjustments, we often are instructed to mirror the other person’s behavioral style.

For example, if I happen to be an outgoing I-style and have identified the other person’s style as a calm and laid-back S-style, I should “act like an S-style”. I should talk less, slow down, and tone down my approach.  In other words, by behaving more like an S-style we will make the other person more comfortable.  This will facilitate a more effective communication and interaction.

This is not bad advice.  By modifying our behavioral style to match the other person’s style will improve communication and make the other person more confortable.

However, this advice sometimes overlooks one very important issue:  the actual goal of the interaction.  Yes, the other person may find the interaction well suited for her style since she does not have to expend energy to modify her behavior.  However, you may be unsuccessful in motiving her to take the actions you are seeking.  You are simply having a nice conversation without moving forward.

While we are modifying our behavior to communicate effectively, we are also motivating the other person’s style resulting in more success.  This simply requires us to keep in mind two things about each DISC-style: what motivates and de-motivates other person’s style.

For example, if you are a more reserved C-style, you can make an extroverted I-style a lot more comfortable by being more expressive, chatty and focusing on fun and positive.  However, if you also remember that an I-style is motivated by recognition and visibility, and demotivated by loss of influence, routine and formality, you can make minor yet very important adjustments in your behavior to achieve your goals.  You will be able modify not only how you communicate but also what you communicate.

How about the other DISC-styles?  What should I keep in mind?

The D-styles are motivated by achievement, control, power and getting results from their own actions.  Not surprisingly, they get demotivated with loss of control, inefficiency and slowness.

The S-styles get their motivation from sincere appreciation and acceptance by others.  They do want to be pressured and – while they can hide it well – can get quite annoyed by others’ impatience.

The C-styles get their motivation by being right and focusing on the “correct”, factual issues.  They do not enjoy chitchat or focusing on non-essentials.  Also, they do not want to be surprised or like unpredictable situations.

“How about all of those blended DISC-styles, Markku?” you may be asking.  Great question.

First, whenever possible, keep it simple and focus on the main style of the person.  Second, keep this is in mind:  often, it is more important to focus on what is the person’s least comfortable DISC-style and to avoid those behaviors with your modifications.

In other words, if you have trouble identifying someone’s style because they exhibit so many behaviors, recognize the style the person does not show and adjust accordingly.  For instance, while you may not be sure what style the person is, you may fairly easily identify that the person is not an I-style.  Then simply avoid the “hows” and ‘’whats” of I-style.

Markku Kauppinen is the President and CEO of Extended DISC N.A., Inc.  He helps executives to make better decisions about their employees, teams and organization.