Category: Blog

Once you are familiar with the DISC-styles, you will find some people are easier to identify.

You will quickly think to yourself, “she is a D-style” or “he is an S-style.” Individuals with one predominant style are fairly easy to identify.

However, many individuals have a DISC-profile that has three DISC-styles above the so-called middle line. In other words, they are comfortable with three of the four styles. For example, a person could be a blend of ISC-styles, which makes it more challenging to pinpoint her primary style.

There is a simple solution to this challenge. Instead of focusing on what the person’s most natural DISC-style is, try instead to identify her least comfortable style. By paying attention to the behavioral traits a person does not demonstrate, you will receive clues about which behaviors are the most challenging for her.

In our example of an ISC-style, you are likely to notice an absence of D-style traits.

More specifically, you may observe that the person is calm, modest and somewhat cautious. She may be hesitant in voicing her opinions. These types of traits are clear indicators the person’s D-style is the least comfortable of the four DISC behavioral styles. Remember, the D-style will often exhibit the opposite behaviors of this ISC-style individual. D-styles will tend to be active, assertive, risk-takers and not hesitant in voicing their opinions.

While the blended styles can be more difficult to identify, the good news is that as long as you avoid the behaviors of their least comfortable DISC-style, your interactions with them are significantly improved.  Also, when you simply avoid the traits of one uncomfortable style, you have given yourself additional time to specifically identify their DISC-profiles and further increase your effectiveness in communicating.  By shunning away from D-style behaviors when interacting with our ISC-style friend, you will improve your ability to interact with her. I, S and C behaviors are all fairly comfortable to her.   Just remember to stay away from D behaviors!

So next time you meet someone, try to first identify who she isn’t.

Have you ever been in a conversation that is headed nowhere fast?

Where everyone is increasingly frustrated as both sides keep talking? We all have. Interactions in a team or group is often diverse, involves different communication styles, and can take effort. You don’t always understand where 
your team members are coming from, what are they really asking you, and
 what their intentions truly are. You may also have an uncomfortable feeling the other person is having a similar experience and the outcomes of those interactions are not what you needed. You are likely to feel disappointed, aggravated and even exhausted. Your coworker is probably feeling the same way.

One important step towards more effective communication is recognizing that we have preferred communication styles.

We naturally feel more comfortable with certain behaviors and we may perceive others’ intentions and behaviors differently. Here are some reasons why other DISC styles may be frustrating to us and why they may communicate differently.

Those D’s Can Be So Frustrating!

D’s are saying to other DISC styles, “Get moving on this and get it done ASAP!”

The other DISC styles are responding, “Too much pressure! Don’t rush us!”

The D’s perspective is, “I need to get this started so it can get done!”

We need to acknowledge what D’s bring to the table. D’s embrace change and want to achieve great things, which, typically in the end, benefit us all.

Those I’s Can Be So Frustrating! 

I’s are saying to other DISC styles, “Oh that reminds me of the time I went on vacation and rented a car to visit my best friend Lily from college, but then she wasn’t home. So then we decided to see if Melody, my other best friend from college was home, but we actually didn’t have her address or phone number so we decided to go shopping. We had so much fun!…where was I going with this story?! Oh right! About this project due next week…or was it due today? etc. etc…”

The other DISC styles are responding, “Focus on the task! Stop talking all the time!”

The I’s perspective is, “Getting to know people and experiencing positive things are very important to the success of our team.”

What I’s bring to the table is the I’s optimism and positive influence. This is the fuel that drives their success – the happier they are, the harder and better they work.

Those S’s Can Be So Frustrating!

S’s are saying to other DISC styles, “That will never work – it’s just not how we do things here!”

The other DISC styles are responding, “Don’t always resist everything!”

S’s perspective is “Holding on to basic values will keep our team on the right course.”

What S’s bring to the table is once the S’s makes a decision about a situation or have bought into a given a task they will pursue and accomplish it (or put up road blocks) with single-minded purpose. They are also strong protectors of their team.

Those C’s Can Be So Frustrating!

C’s are saying to other DISC styles, “We have completed a careful review and recommend that we stick to the facts and data to make informed decisions. We may need to go back over Sections 1, 2, and 3.”

The other DISC styles are responding, “Don’t be so focused on the smallest details!”

C perspective is “Before we can even start, we need to understand issues thoroughly.”

What C’s bring to the table is C’s listen for the facts and details of a situation so that they can help you design a solution. They make sure everything works the way it should.

Effective communication can take energy, awareness and concentration. When recognizing that individuals have different communication styles and ways of perceiving roles, actions and situations we can become less frustrated and more focused on the multi-dimensional strengths and goals of our team.

Some of you may remember a television game show called “The Dating Game” where contestants hoped to meet the person of their dreams.

Only catch was they had to make decisions about which person to choose for their date even before seeing the person. Each contestant had a set of questions he/she wanted to ask to help to make the right choice. For example, “what is your favorite sports activity?” or “what type of boyfriend/girlfriend are you looking for?” However, since there were three bachelors/bachelorettes to choose from site unseen, a contestant could only ask a few questions to each of them.   Consequently, the questions needed to be revealing for there to be a good match.

In our lives we frequently need to make decisions about other people – and how to best interact with them – without ever having an opportunity to meet them face-to-face. Traditionally interactions were more about meetings, lunches, golf tee times, and the all important handshake. In this current day and age of technology we find that many relationships are established and maintained through the phone, emails, and even social media. How do we get the best out of these connections?

The DISC model, with its four main styles, is a tool that makes it easier to identify the styles of others so that you may then make the most effective adjustments to yours.

While it is a skill that takes some practice, it is easy to learn.

As you become more familiar with the DISC-styles, you will find some people are easy to identify even without meeting them face-to-face. You will quickly think to yourself, “She is a D-style” or “He is an S-style.” Typically, these individuals are predominantly one DISC-style and can be identified quickly. While we understand someone’s style is never a sole reason to make decisions about someone, it can certainly help us to support your decisions about how to modify your behavior to have more successful interactions with others.

Other people are more difficult to read. They seem to possess many DISC traits.

In your interactions there are some question you can ask yourself even if you are not actually meeting in person:

• What does person tend to talk about
? – The bottom line, accomplishments, family, people, data and facts, or nothing at all
• How does he/she say it? – Type of words ( “I” vs. “We”), type of questions (e.g. “what?”, “why?”), descriptive, or economical in choice of words
• 
How is his/her tonality? – Speaks with enthusiasm, emotional, monotone, or assertive
• Does he/she talk more than listen?
• Is he/she talkative, emotional, friendly, formal or direct?
• Does the/she tend to use sentences that “ask” or “tell” you to do something?

You will discover that asking these questions and observing behaviors will become second nature and the DISC model simply helps you to do it. Soon you will be able to identify behaviors without thinking. You begin to look for patterns behaviors that will increase your confidence that you are accurately identifying someone’s DISC-style.

What if you were a contestant on “The Dating Game” and the hosts says after five minutes your time is up and you have to choose a bachelor? What if the person of your dreams was sitting in one of those three chairs? What if you had not asked the right questions?

Luckily we’re not on “The Dating Game” and usually not forced to make an important decision based on just a few questions.

In our lives, we never want to let the top potential people or opportunities get away. Using the DISC model can be one of your easiest and most effective tools to making those important decisions.  If we ask ourselves the right questions, the answers can help us make the best choices.

In high school did you socialize with the smart kids, the athletes, the band, the artsy ones, or the quiet ones who flew under the radar?

At the time, it seemed so important to fit into a group, small or large. The peer pressure to “fit in” and have a social identity was strong and at times, challenging. More than likely, it was with a group whose style matched your own or whose style you were trying to emulate.

As teenagers we are still discovering who we are. As adults, we may have a clearer view, but peer pressure continues to play a major factor in shaping our perception of who we are and who we want to be. We often absorb the behaviors and attitudes of those we “hang out” with, as in high school, but ultimately we feel most comfortable around those whose style is similar to our own. As adults, we still want to fit in with our DISC style. 

While we may admire the steady, calm demeanor of the co-worker who can always be counted on to be a team player, it doesn’t mean that it’s a style we are comfortable with adapting on a daily basis. Your style may not be the same or may even be the opposite. What if your current workplace environment discourages taking risks, autonomous decision-making, working independently, or collaborative networking? This work environment will be more challenging for the DISC styles that focus more on new ideas, individuality, broad ranged focus, and big changes.

We can make the conscious decision to adjust our style to match the groups, but this is sometimes easier to idealize than to put into practice. Our natural style is what comes easily, usually without energy or effort. It is the behaviors that more than likely come out spontaneously or under pressure situations.

What if that dynamic, new special projects group has a position open up? What if you had the chance to work on a team where the goals are to work independently to find creative and inventive ways to bring in new clients, and be as innovative as possible to retain the existing ones? This would be a great fit for someone who’s style is decisive, competitive, results-focused, and a go-getter, but could be intimidating for that calm and steady co-worker. You should go for it!

Don’t let the peer pressure box you in. We all bring our strengths and areas of development of our style to our jobs. Can you find the position in your workplace that brings out your strengths?

The blank stare said it all. She had no idea what I was talking about or simply did not care.

I cannot remember which alternative was more exasperating. It did not really matter because I was just plain frustrated. How could my point not have gotten across?

The year was 1993 and I was a young branch manager working at the most successful and respected bank in New Orleans. Just after graduating with my MBA, I completed a yearlong Branch Manager training program, designed to thoroughly hone my financial and technical skills. During that year I was dispatched from one department to the next to ensure that I would be successful as a branch manager.

Soon after becoming a manager, I realized the program designers must have inadvertently overlooked a critical assignment. They forgot to direct me to the department where they teach you how to get people to listen to you. I was fairly sure it somehow had to fall under the Marketing department. The folks there kept emphasizing how important it was to communicate a consistent message. They had a lot of insightful focus group data and colorful charts to make a very convincing case to back up their point.

I was frustrated. I was paying the price for this glaring omission on a daily basis. I had the skills to succeed as a good “banker,” but not as an effective manager. Few of my employees and some of my customers just did not get my “message.” The worst part was I could not identify the problem. There were times I would communicate with one person and it worked beautifully. We talked almost effortlessly; the individual understood me and I accomplished my goals. Then, with the very next person, I would communicate exactly the same way, but the results were dismal. I was broadcasting with an FM station and he was listening through an AM receiver. All he heard was annoying static!

What was worse, whenever this happened, I became frustrated and my communication skills seemed to become even less effective! In essence, I was playing the same song, only louder. “Are you listening to me??!!” I wondered.

Since 1993, I have learned that many people frequently share my experiences and more than likely, everyone has encountered the same situations. Clearly, effective communication does not just happen. It takes effort and skills. It turns out that what works as our own ideal communication style, most likely will not work for another person. In fact, the odds are against it! Our communication preferences, such as how much detail we want to know, at what pace we tend to communicate, how much time should be spent on additional ‘small talk,” and many other factors will vary significantly from one person to next. If we are not aware of how to “read” the other person and do not know how to appropriately adjust our communication style, we should not expect that our message will be received as we intended.

Once we accept this, we can take steps to solve the problem. It is also important to remember that when we do get frustrated with our poor communication results, we are likely to fall into what I call the “too-effect” trap. We become too much of, well, “us”. Whatever adjectives can be used to describe you, simply add the word “too” in front of them. If you are demanding, competitive, and direct, when you get frustrated you are very likely to be too-demanding, too- competitive, and too-direct. I think you can envision the outcome on your communication effectiveness. Not a pretty picture, is it?

So, what can you do to become a more effective communicator? I have good news for you. It is a simple, four-step approach.

First, learn what the different communication styles and preferences are. There are good models on the market, most of which are based on the four-quadrant model originally developed by Karl Jung. They help you understand how people are different, not better or worse.

Second, gain a very clear self-awareness about your own style and communication tendencies. Make sure you have an honest assessment of who you actually are and how you communicate. It is not who you think you need to be. Often, who you are and who you think you need to be are not the same and as a result, you do not fully understand your hard-wired communication tendencies and how best to adjust them.

Third, learn to identify the styles of others. When you interact with others, pay attention to what the person talks about, how she says it (for example, type of words such as “I” vs. “we” and type of questions like “what?” and “why?”), her body language, and tonality. By using a tool such as the four-quadrant model as a guide, you will discover it will become easy to identify the styles of others.

Finally, once you know what your natural communication style is and you have identified the style of the other person (and hence, his communication preferences), you can make conscious, informed decisions about how to best modify your communication style. At times, this may require you to make an effort to provide more information than you would prefer. Sometimes you may need to slow down your presentation or you may need to maintain more direct eye contact than you normally tend to use. You may need to speak up or get to the bottom line more quickly.

The payoff for learning this four-step approach is remarkable. How many highly successful people have you met who are not effective communicators? This four-step approach will make you more successful and it will make life easier for you and those around you. When you are aware of how you need to modify your communication style, an amazing thing quickly happens. Suddenly, others listen to you!

Recently I worked with a consulting firm that utilizes the information we provide to help their clients with strategy implementation.

This particular client company had a common problem that we often see in countless and varied organizations. There are no companies that seem to be immune to it. Managers are cloning themselves. They were hiring people that closely mirrored who they are – people that seemed to have “that certain something.” They were bringing in people who made the hiring managers say, “You know, there was really something about that guy that made me feel very comfortable. He would fit very well in our team.”

I can still vividly remember the conversation I had with one manager eight years ago. He told me, with a lot of enthusiasm and conviction, “I know exactly what I need to do. I need to clone myself. Then all of my worries will be gone!” He was a manager of approximately 45 account executives at a financial services organization. While his group was doing modestly well, no one attributed any of the credit for success to him. It was a classic case of “doing well despite oneself.”

Have you ever been in a situation when you had a hard time finding the right words to tell someone politely that they were dead wrong? I am pretty comfortable doing it now. Eight years ago I was not so comfortable. I remember saying to myself, “Clone you! Why do you think I am here?”

Since that moment, I have heard the same idea countless times. Actually, on the surface it makes a lot of sense. If I am successful as a manager, or at the very least think I am, why not duplicate myself and multiply the success? (By the way, I have not met many managers who said they were not good managers – have you? I think there must be a few of them out there. At least the employees sometimes claim they are out there.) This plan sounds logical, simple and straightforward. Why not go for it?

And many do. They bring people into their team who, in essence, are mirror images. They act and think just like the boss. Conflicts will happen less often, everyone will get along and life is smooth sailing.

Unfortunately, it is not all smooth sailing. Although a team with similar style employees tends to increase its strengths, the group will also amplify its weaknesses. What’s worse is that they are usually completely oblivious to the latter. No one wants to face this fact. And the ones that do realize it often find it to be a lot more comfortable to be quiet. Who wants to rock the proverbial boat and to tell the boss they are doing it wrong?

The same happens in people’s personal lives. However, it seems that we are more aware of it then. We are more mindful of when we are more alike. We can recognize the amplification of strengths and weaknesses that takes place. For example, take a couple of analytical people. They usually are aware that they have a hard time making decisions quickly and can even poke fun at themselves.

But at work, it is different. The problem is ignored and no humor is found in the situation. What often compounds the problem is that certain kinds of careers, jobs and even organizations tend to attract similar styles of employees. For example, the engineering field attracts more analytical styles while sales careers often pull in more people-oriented styles. Combine this with a manager who replicates him/herself and you end up with a team of clones.

“Markku, what is the best behavioral style for a leader (or manager, salesperson, etc.)?” This is a question I get asked frequently – almost every day. My honest answer always is: “It depends on what you need. Do you know what you need?”

Because the truth is that there is no one best behavioral style.

There really is not, although I, at times, think mine is pretty good. Then I take another candid look.

However, there is a common denominator with all successful people. They know who they are and they are honest with themselves. They are not afraid to look into the mirror and face the truth about their strengths, weaknesses and challenges. What’s more, they capitalize on their strengths, and they recruit to their weakness. They actually surround themselves with people who are different from their own style.  Why would anyone want to do this? Aren’t they inviting disagreements, conflicts and misery?

Maybe. But what they are also doing is recruiting additional strengths, different viewpoints, and diverse talents to their team.

Please understand, I am not advocating that every team should be equally balanced with the different behavioral styles. That is rarely the best case. However, the most effective teams closely match the behavioral requirements that the mission of the team dictate. When the behavioral styles are closely aligned with the behavioral requirements, the team succeeds.

In sports everyone seems to understand this concept clearly. Many of us have our favorite players. We have our favorite quarterback, pitcher, or center. But, let me ask you this. Would you want your favorite sports team to be clones of that one player? Of course not! Your team would never have a chance to succeed, even though someone could clone a team of your superstar.

Next time you see a manager clone trying to clone him/herself, you may want to ask the same question. Do you really want to clone yourself or do you want to succeed?

After talking on the phone with Debbie for a few minutes, I was certain she had to be a very analytical “C-style” individual.

Her deliberate, steady pace of speech and her highly detailed questions were clear giveaways. This was my first conversation with Debbie. She is a corporate trainer at one of our client companies. Debbie was preparing for the “train-the-trainer” session that we were going to conduct in two weeks for Debbie and six of her colleagues.

She had many questions about our assessment reports. “Why does the arrow go to this direction?” “What does this graph mean?” She asked one question after another. All of them were focused on getting more specific and detailed information about the interpretation of the assessments results.

Two weeks later it was very clear Debbie was the only one of the trainers with such an analytical style.

In fact, the rest of the trainers were all animated and talkative “I-styles”. They had never even given a thought to look at the reports before the session. In terms of her behavioral style, Debbie was very different from the rest of the group.

During every break Debbie came and asked more questions. This time the questions were different.

“Should I be concerned that my style is so different from the others’ styles?” she asked with a concerned look on her face. She also pointed to specific statements in her report that were all about her various development areas.

None of her questions were about her strengths.

I have seen this happen many times. Often times, we are focused on the things that are negative about ourselves. We end overlooking all of our positive qualities. The same regularly happens when we achieve a deeper self-awareness of who we really are. We frequently focus on the “bad news” and ignore the rest.

“Yeah, yeah, I do notice the missed details as it states here, BUT I am really worried about this statement: ‘Needs lots of information to support decisions’. That could be a problem.” Debbie continued to focus exclusively on her development areas.

Maybe we develop this pattern of behavior in school. The bright red markings on our test papers focus only on the things that we got wrong. All of our correct answers are completely ignored.

“Why are you so worried about these statements?” I asked Debbie. “I know you are successful and it is obvious that your colleagues have sincere respect for you. The only time they are quiet is when you speak,” I observed aloud.

“I’m not sure. I guess I want to be more like the rest of the group,” she responded.

This is very natural response. Overlooking our strengths becomes an even bigger issue when we feel we are somehow different from others. Peer pressure is not reserved for teens only. It never ends and it takes on many different forms.

“Debbie, may I take a guess how your own training sessions unfold?”

“OK”, replied Debbie.

“When you are training new material for the first time, you do not sleep very well the night before. You are worried about many things: if you know ALL of the material, if you will be able to know and remember what to say and be able to answer all of the questions. You are quite nervous.”

“The next day, at the end of the session, you are completely worn out. After all of the participants have left the room, you begin to anxiously read the course evaluations. You notice a few things you could have done better. You feel a little disappointed. But, if you really think about it Debbie, they are actually very good evaluations. There are many comments about how clearly and logically you presented the content. How well you answered the questions. How you clearly mastered the material.”

“Yes, that is true,” Debbie said hesitantly and nodded.

“It is all because of your strengths, Debbie. Others here today struggle with all of that! Be happy that you possess these wonderful qualities.”

Debbie seemed somewhat relieved.

I promise you that many people would love to have the strengths that you have. Many times I have talked to people who were completely ignoring their valuable strengths while another person, in the very same room, was lamenting how he lacked the very same behavioral trait.

“I need to learn to focus less on the details,” one person comments.

“Oh, how I wish I could focus more on the details. I make so many careless mistakes that cost me so much money and time,” says another, only 15 feet away.

Certainly, it is important to work on our development areas. Successful people do this consistently. However, successful people also use their existing strengths to the fullest.

Do not take your strengths for granted. Use them, capitalize on them and become even more successful. It is always more fun to use your strengths than just to work on your development areas!